The LeMasters

2012-01-08T11:44:00.000-08:00

What should you do if you can't keep up with one blog? I'll tell you, start another. That makes sense, right? John and I have been trying to have another child for about a year now and tomorrow we go to an infertility specialist. For some reason it is weighing heavy on my heart to blog about our adventure to conceive. My plan is to keep up with both blogs, this one about our everyday lives and the other about infertility. If you would like to follow us on that adventure the blog is www.ouradventuretoconception.blogspot.com.

Pinning Pictures

2012-01-08T11:32:00.001-08:00

I wish I could think of words to write about graduation, but for some reason I can't. The evening was surreal. The majority of the night I was fighting back tears. Some of excitement and some of fear. Its real now.

ABC's of 2011

2011-12-27T11:26:00.000-08:00

A-John and I celebrated our five year anniversary. It gets sweeter with each passing year.
B-Ben started his second year at Broadway Baptist Preschool. He is in there three year old program. His bestest little friend is named Brighton.
C-My Christian walk has changed a lot this year.
D-My brother-in-law was deployed to Afghanistan.
E-This year on Easter, Ben was able to hunt for his eggs by himself. This may seem insignificant but it is a reminder of how big he is getting.
F-We went on a family vacation to Florida. We stayed in Fort Walton Beach in a condo right on the beach. It was incredible.
G-I graduated from nursing school. The most challenging experience of my life. It was incredibly gratifying.
H-Ben went to his first happy birthday party that wasn't a family member. It was his best friend Brock's fourth birthday.
I-I can drive on the interstate in the rain without having a panic attack. So embarassing.
J-May 2011 marked one year of 3-5 days of jogging per week.
K-John accepted a job at KOTV as an evening director and manager.
L-I accepted a job in labor and delivery at St Francis Hospital.
M-I had a miscarriage in November. I'm still trying to put the pieces of my heart back together.
N-My middle brother and his family became neighbors to my parents, moving in across the street.
O-School was incredibly overwhelming this year.
P-Pregnancy has been the word this year. In January we will be seeing a fertility specialist.
Q-John quit traveling with his new job. I love having him home. Also John quit dipping.
R-I have read a total of 7 books for pleasure this year and about 20 for nursing school.
S-I got strep throat in November, it took two rounds of antibiotics to wipe it out. It is the sickest I have been in a long time.
T-My baby turned three, I turned thirty and John turned thirty three and there are three of us.
U-Ben went from diapers to underwear this year. He really did a fantastic job at potty training. For Ben three was the magic number.
V-I lost part of my visual field from an autoimmune disease. It caused optic nerve swelling. I will never regain that vision back due to scar tissue.
W-I started working this year as a nurse tech during my last semester of nursing school. I worked in post partum at St Francis Hospital.
X-I learned to play the xylophone this year. Not really, I just couldn't think of anything with the letter x.
Y-Ben is a young boy now, not a baby. It some ways its incredible like when he tells me he loves me, but in other ways I miss him being a little baby.
Z-We went to the zoo three times this year. Ben loves the animals.

146

2011-07-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

Today was Jennah and Joel's musical. Joel was super adorable and very serious about his flag role. But I must say, Jennah stole the show. I love to see her passion for the arts. It brings back so many good memories for me being in plays and musicals. Jennah has so much raw tallent it always brings me to tear. Her voice it like a little angel. Her confidence on stage it breathtaking. You can tell she is in her element; she truly commands an audience.

147

2011-07-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

I received a phone call today from the charge nurse in OB at St Francis today. There is a job opening in post-partum/high risk ante-partum. Awesome. Its an emergency call back position so it will work perfectly with my school schedule. Even better, it gives me a foot in the door to women's health for when I graduate. Which by the way is 147 days away.

148 days

2011-07-22T10:28:00.000-07:00

-Cleaned the nursery at the Church.

-Entered Ben in a cutest kids contest.

-Watched Travis D. on wipeout and he WON!

-Skipped Ben's nap to "see if he could make it". He passed out on the couch at 4:30 and I had to wake him up at 5:30 to meet John for dinner. Made for a horrible evening.

-Never skipping a nap for no reason again.

149 days

2011-07-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

I'm not pregnant. John and I have been trying to get pregnant and today I found out I'm not pregnant. I must say this is such an emotional roller coaster ride. Ben was a suprise, big suprise so we never went through the process of trying. I know in my mind God's timing and God's plan are much better than mine. But each month with the reminder that I'm not pregnant makes my heart ache. I love Benjamin so much and equally love being a Mommy.

**Interuption: Ben just walked in and asked if he could be my baby. His insight and timing always awes me.

Ending on a funny note during our small group one of the men prayed for John and I his prayer went like this: "Please be with John and Amy as they try to get pregnant. I pray that you give them time to get it done." I could not quit laughing.

150 days til graduation...

2011-07-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

My goal is to post something for the next 150 days.

-Today Ben went for his 3 year old check up. He got one shot and John said he was very brave. He is in the 90th percentile in both height and weight. I find it interesting on height he has always been below the 50th percentile.

-I had an eye appointment today to check the condition of my optic nerve. (thus the reason I misssed Ben's appointment) The most interesting part of the appointment was the ultrasound on my eye. It felt like a massage on my eye.

-Ben and I went to see Winnie the Pooh today in Sand Springs. Tuesday is $2 so I thought I should take advantage and wasn't disappointed. We went to go see Cars 2 at Jenks Riverwalk and the theater was filthy and a little toasty. Sand Springs although old was cold and clean.

The last 5 years

2011-06-23T12:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to ME!
Below is my blog from four years ago, right before I turned 26, in CAPS LOCK is my blog from three years ago when I turned 27, in italics is for my 28th birthday, 29th is in bold and the big 3-0 is back to "normal" font.

I see you 26
YOU ARE ALREADY HERE 27?
28, 29, 30...does it really matter?
29? I am 29 years old, when did that happen?
I've been waiting for you thirty, the promises of what those wiser and older than me have told me, thirties is when life really gets sweet.

I am turning 26 this Sunday. I have never really thought about age before or getting older, until this year.
I TURNED 27 TODAY. I HAVE REVERTED BACK TO NOT THINKING ABOUT AGE ANYMORE, THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH TIME.
I still do not think about how old I am, now I think about how old my son is.
This is my last year to be twenty, how weird is that?
I see myself on a time line now, I need have another baby by this age, perhaps another by this age, eetc.

A few things I have noticed:

I wear clothes for comfort now.
I WEAR CLOTHES JUST TO COVER MY BARE SKIN.
I wear Mom clothes. Big underwear (I can't even call them panties).
I don't think I have one piece of clothing without some type of stain from Ben on it.
Classy, I strive to look classy now. Well, comfortable classy.

Elastic and I have become quite close.
ELASTIC HAS NOW BECOME EMBEDDED INTO MY SKIN.
I wear SPANX, so the elastic doesn't become embedded in my skin.
I wear elastic to work out in now, almost down to my wedding weight.
I still wear elastic to work out in and am now under my wedding weight.

Once upon a time high heel shoes didn't hurt my feet.
ONCE UPON A TIME I WORE SHOES EVERYDAY...THAT MATCHED.
My feet have grown a size and a half, or I have realized, I am not really a 7.5.
I love high heel shoes, but now I am paranoid about bunions and foot deformities, I think I will stick to flip flops and tennis shoes.
I occasionally wear high heal shoes and try to worry less about foot deformities and bunions. (Although in nursing school I have seen some nasty feet, perhaps I should steer clear of high heals)

I worry about my health and heart disease.
I WORRY ABOUT MY SON AND HAVE LITTLE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT MYSELF.
I am striving to live a healthy life so I can enjoy my grandchildren.
I am living a healthy life.
While living a healthy life I was diagnosed with connective tissue disease a potentially life altering disease. I've now learned worrying doesn't change a thing.

I read the contents in my food, ecpecially the fiber section.
I STILL READ THE CONTENTS OF MY FOOD AND MUST GET FIBER DAILY.
Only water soluble fiber
Lots of fruits and vegetables
This year I learned too much fiber can constipate toddlers. Sorry Ben.

I take much more time and money on my skin.
I USE BABY SOAP AND BABY LOTION ON MY FACE.
I love clinique, my skin has never looked better
Still loving clinique.
I do love clinique, I think now is the time to switch to anti-aging.

I tan much less and wear sunscreen and sometimes sunblock.
I HAVE NO TIME TO TAN.
I always wear sunscreen.
I burned on Memorial Day and was convinved I had just given myself skin cancer.
I am so tan right now. We went to Destin and I was on the beach (with 30-50 sunscreen on) everyday.

Bars seem really loud.
ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE I HAVE GONE TO A BAR AND I DO NOT SEE GOING IN THE NEAR FUTURE OR EVEN THE DESIRE TO GO.
I go to Church now.
I enjoy going to Church and get more out if it than any bar.
Family, Church and school, thats all I have time for and all I want to make time for.

I get in my pajamas much earlier now.
I NEVER GET OUT OF MY PAJAMAS.
I get out of my PJ's during Ben's first nap.
I get out of my PJ's right when I get up, throw on my workout cloths and go for a jog.
I buy cute pajamams now, no more John's t-shirts and boxers.

I haven't seen 2 AM, in probably a year...or 1 AM at that.
2PM, 2AM ALL THE SAME.
I go to bed at 11 PM, and rarely wake up before 8 AM.
11 PM? Who stays up till 11? That is just crazy talk!
John's new hours are really throwing me off.

I look forward to the news, and must watch the weather.
I GET TO WATCH THE NEWS SOMETIMES.
I watch the news, only when John is in town.
I watch the 5:00, 6:00, and 10:00 news, and occasionally the 9:00 news on FOX.
My husband is now the director of channel 6 news. I watch and beam with pride.

I have gotten much curvier, and not in a bad way.
EVEN CURVIER, BUT HAVE PASSED THE "NOT IN A BAD WAY".
John thinks my body is perfect, and that is all that matters.
I'm back to curvy in a good way and John still thinks my body is perfect.
John can't keep his hands off me, I guess I'm like a fine wine, better with age.

My family has become my friends.
I LOVE MY FAMILY.
I still love my family.
Love my family and am making new friends.
My family is like friends and my friends like family.

I am pretty now and not cute.
JOHN IS LUCKY TO SEE ME PRETTY ONCE A WEEK.
I am a beautiful Mother.
I am a beautiful wife and mother.
Apparently I was quite conceited at 29! I strive to look good for John.

I think about my future more, and how to better myself for the future.
I STILL THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE AND HOW TO BETTER MY FAMILY.
I now plan for the future.
I will be a nurse in the near future.
I graduate in December.

Life is good. Bring on 26.
MY LIFE IS BLESSED. HOW OLD AM I AGAIN?
What a great year, perhaps another baby at 28...maybe 29.
Maybe another baby by 30?
Hopefully another baby by 31.

The diagnosis

2011-04-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

Nothing physically has changed since my last blog. My vision is the same. Since my last post, I have been to the rheumatologist and had more blood work drawn. My first diagnosis is Raynauds. My great grandmother was also diagnosed with this. This is a circulatory disease that affects the circulation to the fingers, toes and nose. No fatal complications just be aware of cold temperatures and protect my fingers and toes; you are at higher risk of getting frost bite. The second diagnosis is connective tissue disease. This is the biggy and this is what is affecting my eye. My CRP (inflammation rate in your body) was significantly high at 4.5. My rheumatologist wants me to go on an immunosupressant drug, but I am quite leary of going on any immunosupressant medication. There are tons of horrible side effects including cancer. I am going to try a more holistic/naturopathic approach while I am healthy, young and not having any debilitating effects from this disease.
There has been some cases where a patient has had a flare up goes into remission and never has another symptom ever again. This is my prayer.

9

2011-03-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

.
Ben had asked if he could go to the bathroom outside. I said yes. I totally misunderstood what bathroom meant.

Days 23-26

2011-03-15T10:46:00.000-07:00

Not a lot has changed. I was able to get contacts which does improve my vision in my eye. The rheumatologist's office called and set me up an appointment for April 4. Nice to know they are not in a hurry. I have driven myself crazy going back in forth feeling the need to educate myself on every autoimmune disease, just in case that's the one, then not wanting to read anything and bury my head in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong. Both have their drawbacks and both have their benefits.
John and I had two lunch dates this past week. It was really nice. John also had his review at work and his boss had incredible things to say about him. Of course I think the world of him, but to hear someone else thinks he is great too, is awesome. Ben has had his moments being the three year old he is, but he has been extremely affectionate and loving towards me.

Day 22

2011-03-10T09:59:00.000-08:00

I called the doctor today on my way to clinicals. His nurse gave me my lab results, a positive ANA. I have an autoimmune disease. I'm being referred to a rheumatologist. I was unaware rhematologist specialize in autoimmune diseases other than rheumatoid arthritist. It took a while for the news of the positive test result to sink in, which I was thankful for. I really didn't want to be a blubbering mess at clinicals. When I called my mom to tell her, she thought this had to do with AIDS. So for my non medical friends, I do not have AIDS. Autoimmune means your body is mistaking itself as an invader and attacking itself. Its overactive, AIDS in underactive. There are hundreds of autoimmune disease some mild some very serious. I would assume I do not have a genetic autoimmune disease like ALS, since there is no evidence of this in my family. I have already tested negative for RA.
My biggest fear is that I will not be able to have any more children or continue school.

Day 21

2011-03-09T13:12:00.000-08:00

Today started my OB/GYN rotation and I am thrilled! I loved lecture today and am excited about starting clinicals tomorrow. I received a message today from my primary care doctor's nurse informing me my lab results are back. Now I have to wait all night to find out what the results are.

Day 20

2011-03-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

I'm having a really hard day. I'm frustrated and exhausted. Everything takes more time, everything is harder. Its little things. I can't see my left armpit to shave. I can't see my right eye to put make-up on it, in order to drive I have to turn my head constantly, etc. I think if I knew these things were for a limited time or I had a time line on when things would be back to normal, I could do it without any complaints. Its the not knowing and the looming fear of not knowing exactly whats going on. Is it something serious? I think what is making it especially hard for me today is seeing how it is affecting my school work. I'm spending more time on my work and my grades are lower. It just stinks and my attitude stinks.
On an upside I have the sweetest most compassionate little boy. He really is special. John's not too bad either : ) He offered to shave my under arm for me and put make-up on my eye. Maybe I'll take him up on the offer for some comedy relief.

Day 18 & 19

2011-03-06T12:05:00.000-08:00

My eye has been the same the last two days. I am hopeful that the swelling will continue to decrease. I should get my blood work results back tomorrow or the next day and I am anxiously waiting.
Good news, I start my OB clinicals and classes this week. I'm pretty excited!

Day 17

2011-03-05T06:30:00.000-08:00

Today I had two doctors appointments one with my primary care doctor and an appoitment with my eye doctor. At the first appointment the doctor said overall I look good, but he wanted to have some blood work drawn. I should get the results back Monday or Tuesday. I got good news at the retina specialist, the inflamation on my optic nerve has decreased and he believes with the right lenses he will be able to get my vision to 20/25. The spot hasn't gone away in my eye and I am hoping once all the inflamation is gone it will also be gone. Only time will tell. My next appointment isn't until 3 weeks. Its always a good sign when your doctor appointments are further apart.

Day 16

2011-03-03T18:54:00.000-08:00

With everything going on, one of the biggest blessings is I have had to slow down. Slowing down equals more time to spend with Ben.
Today I had a test to take then I went to see the Indian doctor in Sapulpa (I'm not for exactly what her title is, I've teetered between Medicine man and Indian doctor). She uses eyeology to see what your body is missing and what areas should be focused on. In doing this she recommends what you should or should not be consume, whether it be food or vitamins. I am a fan of alternative medicine, not by itself but in compliment with modern medicine. She looks into your eyes and identifies your issues. There is an actual science behind and some day I plan on doing some research on it. Her main concerns with me were, my lymphatic system, my thyoid and parathyroid, and my circulatory system. She was right on, on a few things she spoke of, it was really interesting. She asked me to come back and see her in 6-8 weeks. Might I add, she does this for no charge, so its not a gimic. Tomorrow I have my appointment with my primary care doctor and retina specialist.

Day 15

2011-03-03T10:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had to take Ben to the doctor, poor guy had an ear infection. Its interesting how quickly I forgot about my medical issues when something was wrong with my baby. At 6:30 I jumped in the car to go pick up Ben's medicine. When I left the pharmacy I realized it was dark outside. In the dark I can barely see anything out of my left eye. Luckily all the streets were very well lit. I made it home safely. Although turning into the driveway was a bit tricky.

Side note, no change in my vision.

Day 14

2011-03-03T10:16:00.000-08:00

Its been two weeks. Someone asked me if I get sick of people asking me about my eye. When people stop asking, is when I will be concerned. I've decided to go and see the Indian doctor in Sapulpa. I believe in alternative medicine, but as complimentary to modern medicince. I curious as to what she will say. I've been worrying less about my eye and its become more of a frustration. Everything takes more time.
Its hard to complain about any of this after spending the day with hospice patients.

Day 13

2011-03-01T10:38:00.000-08:00

My eye is the same. I have noticed I am able to compensate better. If I am reading if I move my book just to the right of my center vision, I am able to see it better. I made an appointment with a primary care physician to have some blood work drawn and just to hear a physcians ideas whose specialty isn't the eye. I am hoping this will give me some peace of mind and some confirmation that this is localized to my eye.

Day 12

2011-02-28T13:55:00.000-08:00

Today was Church and it is so comforting to know so many people are praying for me. I talked to my sister Jenny today and I told her I was worried I may have Multiple Sclerosis. She laughed. A BIG HARDY LAUGH. It made me laugh. It may not be how most people respond, but I needed it.

Day 11

2011-02-27T13:48:00.000-08:00

I made the mistake of looking into what can cause inflammation of the optice nerve. 28% of MS patient's first symptom is optic nerve inflammation. I stopped reading after that and left it at that. I spent the rest of the day writing my careplan for my patient with lung cancer.

Day 10

2011-02-27T13:41:00.000-08:00

Passed my test and the class, this was my final. I love 8 week classes. My vision is the same. I saw the doctor and he noticed the spots around my membranes and capillaries were going away, but my optic nerve is still inflamed. If I get my vision back he estimates it will be between 3-4 weeks. There is a potential for my optic nerve to have scarring on it, if that's the case, my vision would not come back and will not be able to be fixed.. He does not seem too concerned with why there's inflammation, just that it is an autoimmune response which generally occurs post virus. The vision that I still have in the left eye has lost acuity.

Day 9

2011-02-27T13:38:00.001-08:00

Its the same. I see the doctor tomorrow and am hoping he sees something different. I have a test in my quality of life class on Friday so today will be spent studying. EVERYTHING takes me twice as long as it use to and it is so frustrating. Ben's valentine's party is today. He was so excited to see me and gave me tons of kisses and hugs. I was so glad I was able to be there.

Day 8

2011-02-27T13:30:00.000-08:00

Its the same. Every morning I lay in bed not wanting to open my eyes. With that first gleam of light I hope and pray everything will be back to normal. But each morning its the same. I remember in junior high a girl called me a hypochondriac. For some reason that insult has stuck with me. Any time since then I talk about anything to do with my own health I wonder, do they think I'm overreacting? This is the first time I have thought, I hope I am a hypochondriac.

Day 7

2011-02-27T13:26:00.000-08:00

Its been one week. My vision hasn't changed since Sunday, which is good and bad, its not worse, but not better. I have clinicals today at Cancer Care. I've noticed I'm really unsure of where I am and am constantly turning to the left. I think I'm paranoid I'm going to bump into something or someone. Its really a strange feeling.

Day 6

2011-02-26T16:19:00.000-08:00

I get a call from Chesley to set me up for an appointment. I'm able to get in first thing in the morning so I only have to miss one class. Unfortunately I will be dilated for my second class in which I will be giving a presentation. The doctor said my eyes looked the same. Now it is just watch and wait. He will be out of the office until Friday and he wants to see me them. If I get worse or have any new symptoms to call Dr. such and such. He is aware of my case. My case? Although I find it comforting to know he is consulting other physicians, it also reminds me of the seriousness and uncertainty. My presentation went great. I called Hayley to see if she could give me a ride home from school. I feel like a child having to call and ask people for rides. I know its inconvenient.

Day 5

2011-02-26T13:57:00.000-08:00

My vision is the same, no better no worse. I find it heartbreaking to be on the prayer list at Church, thats for people in need and the people who are sick. I hate when people ask me about my eye and I see the fear and concern in their voice and their facial expressions. I go from making jokes about it in front of people and crying uncontrollably when no one is around. I take care of people. I'm scared. Its the unknown, not having a definitive diagnosis. Not knowing my prognosis.

Day 4

2011-02-26T13:48:00.000-08:00

My vision if definitely worse today. The spot is the same but my actual vision in my eye is worse. My vision looks as if someone has smeared vaseline all over my eye. I can see light through it and shapes but no definite lines.
I kept thinking is was going to get better and I didn't want to ruin Ben and Abram's birthday party so I ignored it until after the party. I had them page the retina specialist. He called back and said he was headed to the office to look up a few things. At this point I am convinced I have a tumor on my optic nerve. A few hours later he calls me with a suggestive diagnosis of multiple evanescent white dot syndrome. Unfortunatley its not a textbook case, there's no cure, it is just a wait and see type thing. Call if it gets worse and if you get anymore sypmtoms unrelated to the eye. I am to come into the office on Monday to see him.
My emotions have been a roller coaster ride along with my self diagnosis. Day 1 I thought I may be having a stroke. Day 2, possible stroke. Day three an autoimmune disease. Day four a tumor.

Day 3

2011-02-26T08:37:00.000-08:00

My good friend Chesley had called yesterday to find out what was going on with my eye. She just happens to work with an outstanding retina specialist. I told her and she said I should see her doctor, I said I probably would for a second opinion. I woke up with my vision the same as it had been and totally stressd because I had a test in peds. I was worried I wouldn't be able to fill in the scantron correctly. I had spoken with my professor and was told if I can't fill out the bubbles then don't take the test. I could rant and rave about this lack of compassion but thats another blog. I took the test got a 94% one of the top in the class. Fury sometimes does me good. When I was driving to pick Ben up Chesley had called and said she had spoke with her doctor and he wanted to see me and he could get me in at 1245 today. After a rearrange with Ben's schedule I went right in. I had the same test ran as the previous day and he also did an angiography which showed an inflamed optic nerve and some inflamation in the capillaries along with some build up or white spots around the capillaries. His response, there is something wrong, but I do not know what, but I will go through all of my sources until I find out what it is. Fair enough, you can't go wrong with honesty.
I went to a funeral that night and on on the way home, I realized my vision was getting worse.

My eye, day 2.

2011-02-24T15:45:00.000-08:00

I went and saw the first retina specialist on this day. Luckily John was able to take me. Yesterday my parents had to come and pick me up from the doctor since I couldn't see well enough to drive. This was a rough day and a really bad experience. I was so glad to have my husband there with me. It started with the dilation, photos of my eyes and then the doctor examining my eye. The examination was horrible. It was invasive and I felt so vulnerable. One of my biggest pet peeves concerning the medical field is when they do things without explaining it to the patient first. At one point I thought I had gone blind. They had put a gel in my eye and then stuck this cone thing to it. IT TOUCHED MY EYE. Not only touched it but for a long period of time. My head was strapped to the machine. I felt as if I was in a torturing device. When they removed it I couldn't see. Do you know how frightening that is? When I said, "I can't see." The only response is that's normal. Thanks for the heads up. After the intrusive examination he goes on to tell me he thinks I am having an autoimmune response. Ok. Why? Should I have blood work drawn? Should I be checked for autoimmune diseases? Where do we go from here? Will I get my vision back? After halfway answering all my questions he goes on to tell me he graduated at the top of his medical class and how smart you have to be to be a retina specialist. Obviously social skills are not needed.
I left in tears feeling as if nothing had been acomplished. My vision was the same. Most of all I was scared. Scared I had a tumor, scared I had an autoimmune disease. Scared of the unknown. I cried the remainder of the evening. Not knowing where or what to do next.

My eye, day 1.

2011-02-24T11:08:00.000-08:00

Tuesday February 15 around 930 at night I noticed a dark spot in my vision when I would blink, it almost looked like a dark spider web. I attributed it to stress and fatigue from a long day at clinicals. I woke up the next morning, drove to clinicals and really didn't think much about it. When we were sitting in preconference I then noticed part of my visual field was gone to the left of center. Basically if someone was standing around four feet in front of me just to the left of my center vision I coudn't see there head. (I think thats a good description).
I spoke to my clinical instructor and she said she would I should [probably go and see my opthamologist. At this point I'm really not concerned at all. After clinicals I met some of the girls for lunch and on the way I called my optometrist. Gave her answer service the description of my symptoms and within 2 minutes she calls me back and ask me to come in for this could be a detatched retina. Her calling me back so quickly did give my some concern, I knew a detached retina could be fixed and figured if that was it, you fix and be done with.
I got to Dr. Sweet's office around 130 in the afternoon. She looked, looked and looked some more at my eye and was baffled, she could see something wrong, but could not define it. But my retina looked good. She had me hang out in her office for about an hour and she re-evaluated me. After the reevaluations she wanted me to see an opthamolgist. I went straight from her office to the next doctor's office. Right when I got there they dialated me and I saw the doctor. He said he could see some inflamation and some RBC's in my eye. So he wanted me to see a retina specialist. They set me up an appointment for the next day.

Happy Birthday Benjamin!

2011-02-13T17:31:00.000-08:00

My baby is three. I have been so busy with school, I haven't wanted to take any of my extra time (and I use "extra" loosely) to blog. But I didn't want to look back and not have anything written about Ben on his special day.
We started the day with Mickey Mouse pancakes and sausage. The night before I had decorated the kitchen with his favorite cartoon, Phineas and Ferb, and of course plenty of balloons. He got to open his present from John and I before breakfast, a helicopter. This was the only thing he asked for so luckily I was able to find one! After his nap we headed to Incredible Pizza. Unfortunately it wasn't so incredible. There were so many people there. I think Ben had a good time, but we all left totally overstimulated. We came home to enjoy Benjamin's favorite part of his Birthday, the cupcakes! Next weekend will be spent celebrating Ben's birthday with his best friend and cousin, Abram (AKA Thing 1 and Thing 2).

Here are a few things I want to remember about Ben over the last year:
1. He started preschool at Broadway Baptist. He has thrived. He is so much more social than John and I, he has really enjoyed the interaction.
2. Every time I would tell him Happy Birthday, he would tell me, Happy Birthday Mom, in the sweetest little voice.
3. He has started developing friends. It is the sweetest little thing. He has even asked to spend the night with his BFF Brock.
4. He jumps with both feet off the ground.
5. Nothing can have pink, because he says pink is for girls.
6. He talks constantly, he articulates every word and speaks with passion.
7. He likes to say, "Lets talk about...." and names different things he wants to talk about.
8. He can sing 4 songs from memory.
9. He has the best imagination. I love to sit back and watch him when he plays with his toys.
10. He was potty trained this year, much to my relief it wasn't too bad.

My sweet little boy, I love you so much. I remember the first time I saw you and the overwhelming emotions I felt and the tears that filled my eyes. Still to this day when I look at you I have that same feeling. You are more than I could every wish for. You bring me so much joy (and a touch of crazy). I love you my Sunshine.

Potty Training, pardon the bathroom talk...

2010-12-14T09:21:00.001-08:00

This summer I tried to potty train Ben and it was absolutely horrible. We tried for two days and all I did was clean up urine. My house smelled like a men's bathroom. It was gross. So, I gave up and went back to diapers and was convinced he would never use the potty. My plan was to try again over my Christmas break from school. I dreaded it, lost sleep over it and shed a few tears. We started Thursday evening before his bath. I went about it different in that I had him stand on a stool in front of a the big potty instead of sitting down on the little potty. Bingo. The first night he peed in the potty first try, then continued to go to the bathroom when prompted the remainder of the night. The next morning got up put on his underwear and he had an accident in the morning and one in the afternoon, but that was it. He did refuse to poop in the potty and would wait until I would put on his night time pants (Underjams) to go poop. The next day I had a seminar to go to so my Dad watched Ben. He had one accident there and we had a dinner to attend that night and he had an accident there. Sunday we had Church, no accident. He took his nap at my parents house without night time pants on, no accident. Then we picked up John from the airport, no accident. Monday he started going to the bathroom unprompted. We went to Target and out to eat with no accidents. That night he went poop in the potty without me even asking! He was very excited and had to call both sets of Grandparents. No accidents since Saturday. Today he is at his school, fingers crossed no accidents there!

What worked for Ben:
-Chocolate, I used chocolate chips.
-For pooping his reward was a large piece of chocolate.
-I would ask him if he needed to use the bathroom, if he said no, I didn't make him go. I wanted him to feel like he was in control. (Drove me crazy, I like to be in control.) But usually within 2 minutes of me asking he would go to the bathroom.

Way to go Ben! I love you!

PS-I got him so boxer briefs, too cute!

Oops.

2010-12-02T11:04:00.001-08:00

I posted the wrond video below. It is Ben clapping for himself. Hopefully the one this is the correct one!

Christmas Program

2010-12-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

Last night was Ben's school Christmas Program. I thought he did a great job. During the first song he looked as if he had no idea what was going on. (The picture with his arms crossed). But by his second song at the end of the program he did the hand jestures and sang along. (The video). His teacher gave him a candy cane at the end and it totally made his night, thus the picture with the enormous smile. (I was holding the candy cane hostage until I got a good picture.) Unfortunatley John didn't get to be there due to work. (NFR for the next two weeks). And Grandma and Papa's car broke down on the way there. But he was rooted on by his Grammy, Nana, Peepa and of course Mommy.

2010-11-30T08:00:00.000-08:00

-School is almost over for the semester, just a midciricular exam and my final. Hardest semester of my life. The reward, this time next year I will be a Registered Nurse.

-Ben had pnemonia. Poor guy. Luckily he wasn't hospitalized and I was able to use my nursing skills on him. To be diagnosed he had to have blood work drawn and have a chest x-ray. He was incredibley good for both. When they stuck him with the need he looked at her and said "THAT HURT!" During the x-ray the tech said he was the best two year old that she has ever given an xray. Yes, I am bragging. We go back Thursday for a follow up. I'm curious how he will be now that he is feeling better.

-Thanksgiving was good. My favorite part was black friday shopping with my sisters. Although I did complain a lot and at one point I think I may have cried.

-Next semester is labor and delivery and pediatrics. I am so excited!

-John is at the NFR for the next two weeks. Each year it is the longest two weeks.

-I started running in May. I began with a 20 minute mile and now I am to an 8.5 minute mile. Not an olympic time, but I still feel proud. Bonus, I've lost 22 pounds and have gone down 2 sizes.

-This summer I plan on starting to work as a nurse extern. Pray for me that an outstanding oppurtunity comes up.

-I love Christmas shopping!

Homeless Shelter

2010-11-19T12:59:00.000-08:00

For my last 2 weeks of clinical we were at the homeless shelter. I don't think I will ever be able to express all the emotions I had or still have. I am not naive enough to say I didn't know there were homeless people, but that is how I always saw them, homeless people. These were just people. There were Mom's with children, vets in wheelchairs, so much mental illness it broke my heart, little old ladies, babies. It is so easy to stereotype someone into a box that makes it ok for us to neglect them.
On a posiitve note I absolutely love the group I worked with. I would love to work with any one of them in the hospital.

Ben's little sayings...

2010-11-19T12:50:00.000-08:00

I've got to start writing these down before I forget them.

-Dayton ate his food too fast and threw it all up. Ben says, "I guess he didn't like it."

-Me, "What do you want for Christmas?" Ben, "a present." Me, "What kind?" Ben, "Papa in a present."

-After he throws up, "Yes!! I got it all up!"

-"I loves you."

-Abram and Ben talking. Ben, "Are you kidding me?" "Are you kidding me?" Are you kidding me?" Abram, "I AM NOT KIDDING YOU!" (Ben had a tendency to repeat himself.

Ben, "But I like to hit."

During his first football game, "You get to push?"

2010-09-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

This semester had been a lot more time consuming than last. Some nights I've had up to 6 hours of homework to complete before the next day. The hardest part is finding things to keep Ben busy, but also to make him feel involved. So, I set Ben a work area up at the opposite end of the table as me. He colors, writes his B's and circles, and also makes stuff with his play-do. I also recently set him up on the computer on the Disney website. With the headphones on this keeps him quiet, busy, happy, and in eye shot for thirty mintues. Life saver. The only downfall. He just looks so cute I have a hard time getting anything done. Also, I threw in a picture of Ben's first day of school,

First Day of School

2010-08-27T15:36:00.000-07:00

Thursday, Ben went to his first day of preschool. He did so well. We walked in, I found some trucks, showed them to Ben and he was good. He did not shed one single tear, kissed John and I goodbye, and said BYE! I almost made it completely out of the school before my tears came flowing. They were definetly not tears of sadness; I felt so proud of the little boy my baby has become.

Benjamin Age 2

2010-08-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

At the begining of Benjamin's life I was able to write about his accomplishments and quirks at each month. For some reason or another I haven't kept up, so this post is all for Benjamin and all his accomplishments and quirks for age 2.

You sleep from 9:00 pm to 7:00 am and nap from 2:00 to 4:30 pm (give or take 30 minutes). You are still a great sleeper and rarely get out of your bed.

You moved to your big boy bed at 26 months. You did awesome. You got out of bed and I told you to get back in bed. You did and that was that. I wish you were this compliant about everything!

You test every boundary every day at least twice and act shocked when you get in trouble. "What?!? I can't throw yogurt on the walls? Well, I wish you would have told me!" (This happens at least once a week.)

You are a great eater. You will try anything. You response is either to continue eating or say, "I don't yike that. It nasty." Other famous quotes from the table, "This is incredible." "This is delicious." "MMMMM, mmm yummy in my tummy." "This is good stuff maynard."

Your talking, so articulate and such a large vocabulary, always suprises me.

You are so incredibly affectionate. I will never forget the night you layed next to me in bed, chatting up a storm about what had happened during the day, you stopped laid your head on my chest, and said, "Momma, I love you." Those moments make all the bad moments just disappear.

You are so bossy. "Come here." "Sit here, NO!, right here." "You stay right there." Your grandparents act as if you are the commander and chief and follow your every demand. We will see how this works for you in school.

You start preschool in two weeks. I get teary eyed just thinking about it. The hardest part for me being a parent is pushing back my urge to keep you all to myself. I want to protect you, do everything for you, to keep all hurt from you. But, this is a big but, I want you to be a strong independent man. With each little bit of the real world I let come in I have to remind myself, I am not raising a boy, I am raising a man.

When Animals Attack!

2010-08-09T07:01:00.000-07:00

On my morning run a deer runs in front of me, maybe 12 feet. I am immediately petrified. Why? Because I watch too much "When Animals Attack" on TLC. I look to my left and see two baby deer. OH. MY. WORD. I am in between a mama deer and its babies, I am for sure a goner. (Maybe that's just bear and its babies, but hey, you can never be too safe.) First thought, the whistles people put on the front of their cars to scare deer away. Second thought, make yourself look bigger than what you really are. So I begin sprinting making the most annoying, highest pitch noise I have ever heard leave my body with my arms flailing in the air. I make it to the entrance of my edition. No way back except to cross the deer crossing AGAIN. So, I begin the the screeching, flailing of the arms and dead sprint. Only this time, I'm pretty sure I heard the deer laughing or perhaps it was my neighbors. Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure I doubled my normal calories burned.

PBR 2010

2010-08-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

John, Ben, and I met two of our friends from Church at the PBR a few weeks ago and we had a blast. I had to apologize to John afterwards for complaining about having to go. Not that I didn't want to go, but anyone with a two year old knows that generally for the Mom, its not, well relaxing. Overall Ben was good. He loved watching the cowboys and proceeded to tell his Sunday School teachers all about the next day.

2010-07-28T13:49:00.000-07:00

3 weeks until school starts. Summer flew by. I've been working on my summer homework for the past month. Its hard. Memorizing lab values, coming up with nursing diagnosis with symptoms listed, and knowing the consequences of low or high lab values. This semester they call the meat and potatoes, its going to be tough. (Not that last semester was easy!) To top is off my schedule will change 6 weeks, 6 weeks, 2 weeks, 2 weeks with different hours during clinicals, ranging from 0630-1530 to 1300-2300. I am a planner so this change is close to overwhelming. But I know the stress will be worth it ten fold. I can do this.

Get-away...don't even call it a vacation!

2010-07-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

Wednesday: Met Jenny and the kids at the zoo. HOT! Ben didn't want to walk. Two sweaty bodies stuck together, had to rent a wagon.

Thursday: Ate breakfast with John, went to Wal-mart to get snacks for the hotel. John went to work, we went to Jenny's.

Friday: Ate breakfast at the hotel, then went to Chuck E. Cheeses. Had a blast. Ben loved it. Plenty of purel. John went to work, Ben and I went back to hotel, he took a 3 hour nap. Headed to Jenny's for dinner.

Saturday: John left at 7:00am and been woke up at 7:00am, ate breakfast at the hotel, went swimming at the hotel for 2 hours, then went out to eat. Ben scrapped his knee on the way to the car. Got to restaurant, Ben spilled his lemonade in open scrape. Very short lunch. Back to hotel for Ben's nap. Woke up went to Jenny's to stay the night and watch her kids so she and Brian could got on a date. All kids good and still alive.

Sunday: Burned out ready to go home. Realize I forgot pants for Church. My wonderful husband brings me ironed! pants. Nice! Went to Church, saw my sister throw a fit. Hilarious. Ate pizza (its Sunday people) and drove home. Awwwww, sweet home, even at 85 degrees.

Ben's first baseball game

2010-07-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

We went to a Drillers game July 2 and we had a blast! We started at Spaghetti Warehouse, then walked to the ball park. (FYI: if you eat at Spaghetti Warehouse before the game you can park there free during the game.) The weather was absolutely spectacular. Ben lasted about 4 innings wathcing the game, then he and I walked around the park for two innings. This wore him out just enough to make it through the rest of the game. Then it started raining. Our seats were just far enough up that the balcony above us sheltered us from the rain. In the rain they shot off about 15 minutes worth of enormous fireworks.
At least once a week Benjamin ask, "we going to a baseball game?"

You are my SUNCHINE!

2010-07-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

Here is Ben's translation of You are my Sunshine:

You are my sunchine, you make me happy when skies are gaway.
You neber know dee-yar, how much I nuv you.
Please don't take my Benjamin under way.

I use to sing Ben this song before he was born. It is so sweet to hear him sing it know.

Happy Birthday to ME!

2010-06-23T16:15:00.000-07:00

Below is my blog from two years ago, right before I turned 26, in CAPS LOCK is my blog from one year ago when I turned 27, and in italics is for my 28th birthday and this years is in bold.

I see you 26
YOU ARE ALREADY HERE 27?
28, 29, 30...does it really matter?
29? I am 29 years old, when did that happen?

I am turning 26 this Sunday. I have never really thought about age before or getting older, until this year.
I TURNED 27 TODAY. I HAVE REVERTED BACK TO NOT THINKING ABOUT AGE ANYMORE, THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH TIME.
I still do not think about how old I am, now I think about how old my son is.
This is my last year to be twenty, how weird is that?

A few things I have noticed:

I wear clothes for comfort now.
I WEAR CLOTHES JUST TO COVER MY BARE SKIN.
I wear Mom clothes. Big underwear (I can't even call them panties).
I don't think I have one piece of clothing without some type of stain from Ben on it.

Elastic and I have become quite close.
ELASTIC HAS NOW BECOME EMBEDDED INTO MY SKIN.
I wear SPANX, so the elastic doesn't become embedded in my skin.
I wear elastic to work out in now, almost down to my wedding weight.

Once upon a time high heel shoes didn't hurt my feet.
ONCE UPON A TIME I WORE SHOES EVERYDAY...THAT MATCHED.
My feet have grown a size and a half, or I have realized, I am not really a 7.5.
I love high heel shoes, but now I am paranoid about bunions and foot deformities, I think I will stick to flip flops and tennis shoes.

I worry about my health and heart disease.
I WORRY ABOUT MY SON AND HAVE LITTLE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT MYSELF.
I am striving to live a healthy life so I can enjoy my grandchildren.
I am living a healthy life.

I read the contents in my food, ecpecially the fiber section.
I STILL READ THE CONTENTS OF MY FOOD AND MUST GET FIBER DAILY.
Only water soluble fiber
Lots of fruits and vegetables

I take much more time and money on my skin.
I USE BABY SOAP AND BABY LOTION ON MY FACE.
I love clinique, my skin has never looked better
Still loving clinique.

I tan much less and wear sunscreen and sometimes sunblock.
I HAVE NO TIME TO TAN.
I always wear sunscreen.
I burned on Memorial Day and was convinved I had just given myself skin cancer.

Bars seem really loud.
ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE I HAVE GONE TO A BAR AND I DO NOT SEE GOING IN THE NEAR FUTURE OR EVEN THE DESIRE TO GO.
I go to Church now.
I enjoy going to Church and get more out if it than any bar.

I get in my pajamas much earlier now.
I NEVER GET OUT OF MY PAJAMAS.
I get out of my PJ's during Ben's first nap.
I get out of my PJ's right when I get up, throw on my workout cloths and go for a jog.

I haven't seen 2 AM, in probably a year...or 1 AM at that.
2PM, 2AM ALL THE SAME.
I go to bed at 11 PM, and rarely wake up before 8 AM.
11 PM? Who stays up till 11? That is just crazy talk!

I look forward to the news, and must watch the weather.
I GET TO WATCH THE NEWS SOMETIMES.
I watch the news, only when John is in town.
I watch the 5:00, 6:00, and 10:00 news, and occasionally the 9:00 news on FOX.

I have gotten much curvier, and not in a bad way.
EVEN CURVIER, BUT HAVE PASSED THE "NOT IN A BAD WAY".
John thinks my body is perfect, and that is all that matters.
I'm back to curvy in a good way and John still thinks my body is perfect.

My family has become my friends.
I LOVE MY FAMILY.
I still love my family.
Love my family and am making new friends.

I am pretty now and not cute.
JOHN IS LUCKY TO SEE ME PRETTY ONCE A WEEK.
I am a beautiful Mother.
I am a beautiful wife and mother.

I think about my future more, and how to better myself for the future.
I STILL THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE AND HOW TO BETTER MY FAMILY.
I now plan for the future.
I will be a nurse in the near future.

Life is good. Bring on 26.
MY LIFE IS BLESSED. HOW OLD AM I AGAIN?
What a great year, perhaps another baby at 28...maybe 29.
How about a baby at 30?

Semester in Review

2010-05-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

Check mark, first semester of nursing school completed. It was hard and rewarding. It was a ton of information that was all very interesting. All of the test were hard. On nursing test all the answers are correct but one is the most correct. An example:
What color is the sky?

A. Blue
B. Sky Blue
C. Blue with white clouds
D. None of the above

The correct answer? You tell me. Other highlights throughout the semester.

-Pharmacology and dosage flew by. I was so nervous about this class. I finished it with a 96%.
-Head to toe examination. This had to be memorized. Do you know the questionare you fill out before seeing a doctor? I basically had to memorize this and be able to physical check each one.
-Clinicals. This was nerve racking for me and by far the hardest. I was actually their nurse. Everything we learned had to be applied.
-Finals. Comprehensive is all I need to say. Passed with a B.

I finished the semester with confidence and am ready for level 2. From what I hear its a booger!

2010-04-21T14:00:00.000-07:00

As an assignment I had to write a reflective essay of time I spent at an adult day care center. I wanted to share with an exert from my paper.

"As I sat surrounded by the mentally challenged adults I started watching each one, trying to diagnose each. She has Down syndrome, he must have some type of autism, she seems to have a mild retardation and then a small-framed girl caught my eye. She sat quietly with a plastic something in her hand. She did not speak nor did she make eye contact. She sucked her thumb. The fact that she sucks her thumb may mean nothing to someone else, but when I saw her sucking her thumb I could feel the tears building up in my eyes. My son, Benjamin sucks his thumb. This is not just a mentally handicapped girl, this is someone else’s baby; this is someone else’s Benjamin.
The rest of the day is somewhat of a blur. I spent time speaking with the older adults who needed some assistance and also spent time with the elderly with advanced Alzheimer’s. Nothing compared to the moment I had when I looked at the girl who was sucking her thumb. I will not be nursing clients; I will be caring for someone else’s Benjamin."

EEK! I can see a light at the end of the tunnel...

2010-03-23T14:34:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I only have 5 weeks left of school. Right now I am studying for my medications administration competency. My client happens to be on over 30 medications. Before I can give him any of his meds I have to know safe dosage, possible side effects, any special precautions, and of course what the medication does. I should have said have memorized instead of just knowing. In two weeks I preform my head to toe competency, which I am pretty nervous about. Everything is just so much memorization. I have two written tests left and of course my final. Other than those few things, I am home free! Until next semester.

Ben woke me up Monday morning at 1:00am to tell me he had a booboo in his ear. We scheduled an appointment to find out its not an ear infection, but that he has pressure in his ear from his forever long cold. Treatment: chew gum. That makes for one happy little boy!

Back to life, back to reality...

2010-03-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

I can't remember who sings that song. Anyway, back to school tomorrow. The first few days out of school I really missed it, but that wore off quickly. My spring break consisted of:

-Ben's cousin Abram came and stayed with him Sunday.
-Monday we drove down to Blanchard to see my new niece and do what I could to help
my sister out around her house.
-Tuesday we drove back home in the afternoon and went to bed really early!
-Wednesday I went and got a hot rock pedicure (a gift from John) and went shopping! I really like to shop, but I must admit after having Ben shopping just isn't the same. Buying for myself isn't as enjoyable and my "Mom body" is sometimes hard to find clothes to fit. I did find John some new jeans, never an easy task, 36x36 are hard to find, and I was able to find some large tall shirts. I of course had to buy some new clothes for Ben too!
-Thursday we stayed at home. John grilled a pork loin and I cooked a potato casserole and green beans. It was delicious!
-Friday I took Ben to get his haircut, made a quick run to Walmart for Easter basket items, and headed off to John's work to meet him for lunch. From there I went to the eye doctor and Ben and John went to the park to enjoy the great weather. After the eye doc, I went to my hair appointment. The lady washed, cut, dried and styled my hair in 25 minutes. It was incredible. It usually takes over an hour.
-Saturday John left for Houston and the snow began. Snow is torture when you have a toddler. You feel like a prisoner.
I was able to squeeze in homework here and there, but really do not feel prepared for school to start. I did enjoy my break!

Cousin Abram

2010-03-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

Ben's cousin Abram got to come down for a visit after my sister had her baby. I love watching he and Ben interact with each other. They really are friends. They play really well with each other and it almost seems easier to have two. ALMOST. Bath time, eating, and bedtime is double hard. Each day Ben ask at least once a day, "Where's Abram?"

Before and After

2010-03-20T14:38:00.000-07:00

John and I decided to grow Ben's hair out, just to see what it looks like long. He has two crowns so if his hair is too short it looks like horns, so we would have to style it spikey daily or risk letting our child look like he has devil horns. The boy, not only has a lot of hair, it also has a lot of body. Its really great hair, but pretty high maintenance (I'll have a girl next who will be bald until she's ten). Friday morning he got up and he looked a little too much like Rod Stewart, so I thought it was time for a trim.

Ben's Quotes for the Week

2010-03-11T13:11:00.000-08:00

"Momma, its time to pray to Jesus."

"Mom, I hold baby Jesus."

When our youth minister at church was taking in front of the church, "Mom, its Jesus!"

(He's really on a Jesus kick right now.)

While at Wal-Mart to a complete stranger, "HI! I'M POOPING!" Ben is so articulate it is impossibe to deny what he says.

Now that he has been moved to his big boy bed, he really know how to work his Momma. Each night that I have laid hime down he says, "Mom, one more kiss." "Momma, I need a kiss." "Oh, hug." "One more kiss." This last a few minutes. Seriously how can you turn down a kiss.

What, I have a blog, two blogs?

2010-03-06T10:04:00.000-08:00

Ok, I am horrible about updating and attempting to do two blogs is just crazy. Now I not only get to neglect one blog, I have another to neglect too. So, I quit blog number two.
Benjamin update: He is a spirited little boy with a mouth that never stops. I have never heard someone talk so much. It is like he narrates his every move along with the entire populations every breath. We went to his two year well check up last week, one of my questions for the doctor if there is a way to teach a two year old how to be quiet. I really just want moments of quietness. I love his little personality and do appreciate how well and how much he talks, but seriously, my ears feel like they are bleeding at the end of the day. Oh, what did the doctor say? Nothing. He just laughed.
School update: Its hard, but I love it. We've had about 20 people drop the program so far. They say by the end of the program only half the class graduates. Clinicals are always strange to me. I almost feel like I am just pretending to be a nurse. I passed my Pharmacology/Dosage class with an A. It has been the easiest and I thought it would be the hardest. Still, very glad its over.
My sister had her baby yesterday. It was the smoothest delivery I have ever seen. I've only seen 2 others, but still, it was smooth. She was so small compared to Jenny's boys. She weighed almost 3 lbs less than Jenny's last baby. She looks like a little baby doll. Tons of jet black hair and long. It goes down her neck and over her ears. She has little facial features and beautiful skin. What? Me? A proud aunt? I miss her already.

New blog..

2009-12-28T13:17:00.000-08:00

As promised I started a new blog to record my adventures fo nursing school. The address is www.theadventuresofanursetobe.blogspot.com.

I'm horrible...

2009-12-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

I am horrible at updating my blog. My life is either really boring and I have nothing to write about or my life is so full and hectic I have no time. I will let you pick which one.
One week down and only one to go until John gets home. I have been attempting to stay busy with house projects and preparing for school. Speaking of school, I am going to start a new blog (since I am so good at keeping up with this one). I am planning on writing about my nursing school expirience. From what I have been told it is emotionally very challenging. I thought writing about the stresses and emotional tolls would be very therapeutic.
Now on to Benjamin. Oh, he is a handful. His humor saves his hinny most of the time. No, he really is a good boy, most of the time. But as John says, "he has a little stink in him." I put him to sleep around 8:30 last night and went to check on him at 9:30. I quietly crept into his room making my way to his crib, I see eyes at eye level with me, then I hear, "Hi Mom." Standing in his bed is little Ben. He is like a vampire, he'd much rather sleep all day and stay up all night. So the second time I put him down for the night, I asked (mistakingly asked, instead of telling) "you ready for bed?" Ben's response, "NO WAY MOMMY!" No way is so much funnier when he says it to John.

Happy Halloween

2009-11-01T12:38:00.000-08:00

For Halloween, we started out going to our Church for games, jupiter jump, and of course CANDY! Ben enjoyed it much more than I thought he would and actually played two of the games. We came home, enjoyed our half-priced hamburgers from Sonic and Ben enjoyed his 50 cent corn-dog. I remembered going to Sonic on Halloween when I was little and getting the hot dog and ice cream cone. Isn't that a strange thing to remember? I loved Halloween. John said we had to wait until dark to take him trick-or-treating, so we didn't leave until 7:00. We couldn't decide if we both would go or John would just take him so I could hand our candy to the trick or treaters at our house. I looked up and down our street and saw no kids, so I decided to go with them. I am so glad I did. Ben did so good! I thought he would be too scared to walk up to people's houses he didn't no. I thought wrong. He was somewhat hesitant with the first house, but once he realized each house was going to give him candy, there was no hesitation. He would go right up to the door, John would ring the door bell and if they didn't answer quick enough, Ben would give a few knocks to speed the process up. He had no problem dipping his pudgy little fingers into the candy bowls and putting it in his little pumpkin. And each time he said "Tank YOU!" (Very proud Mommy moment.)
Much to John and I's disappointment we had no trick-or-treaters. In fact we were told at each house we went to that we were the only trick or treaters in the neighborhood. Good thing I bought 5 bags of candy!
All in all we had a really good time. I imagine as our children get older the more fun it will be!

2009-10-14T20:16:00.000-07:00

My first go around at college I royally screwed up. I had an academic/leadership scholarship and a vocal music scholarship to Oklahoma Christian University. After a year there, I decided I didn't want to go there for one reason or another. So, I went to UCO. I went there for a year and half and got credit for one class, I flunked the rest. Ugh, it makes me sick to think about it still. Waste of money and waste of time. I just didn't go to class, literally. I didn't go at all and also didn't bother to drop the class. A choice I am still reaping the consequences for.
When John and I got married we talked about me going back to school. I really wanted to have a degree to fall back on, in case anything was to ever happen to John or his job security. So, before we had any children I was going to get a degree. Nope. My favorite surprise changed these plans. When I started back to school I had a 0.8 GPA. Yikes! I can't believe I just put that in there for everyone to see! It was very humbling to start college the first time with an academic scholarship to being put on academic probation for the second go around. There has always been a part of me that has wanted to be a nurse. I like taking care of people, but to be honest, I didn't think I was smart enough to pass the science classes. English/History has always been easy for me, I rarely ever studied for these classes, but Science has always been my most challenging. The B's I received in my science classes have been so much more rewarding than my A's in my english classes. I earned those B's. I worked hard and trained my brain in a different type of learning.
I did it. I was excepted into the nursing program for the Spring of 2010. I raised my GPA to a 2.35, which I am still embarrassed to tell people. I had to write a letter of exception since my GPA was still too low for the program and I found out in September that my exception was accepted.
It has been a long road and to be honest I had no idea I had the perseverance in me.

A few pictures of Destani and Matt's wedding...

2009-10-05T14:44:00.000-07:00

and a few more..

2009-10-05T14:42:00.000-07:00

Potpourri

2009-09-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

Wow, its been awhile. Reasons: Computers down, wedding, ten year reunion planning, time, didn't want to.

John's brother Matt got married two weekends ago at John's parents farm...outside. It poured. I felt so sorry for Destani. But Destani and Matt were troopers and made the best of the rainy day. Shortly after the ceremony Destani changed into her rain boots and jeans and Matt changed into his boots and Coors t-shirt. Unfortunately for me, I missed most of the fun due to throwing out my back. I did make it to the ceremony and the rehearsal. Ben was the ring bearer and I just couldn't miss it. During rehearsal he did fabulous! He walked straight to John (he was the best man). The day of the wedding, not so much. He refused to walk down the aisle. I tried hobbling next to him halfway then let go of his hand. Success! He began walking to John, then stopped and decided he was going to eat his treat I had gave him right in the middle of the aisle. Much to my low grumbles, pointing, polite smile, then serious face. He would not move his little pudgy feet. So I have to go back out there grab his hand and pull him out of the aisle. Lucky for me my parents were there to rush over and get him so I could enjoy the wedding. Overall the wedding was a success, despite the rain.

So, my back. On the way to the farm for the rehearsal I turned around to give Ben his cup and POW! gasp, sharp pain in my back, I think that possibly I have another kidney stone...no. As the night progresses the worse it gets. I wake up Saturday morning and can't move, literally. I feel so sorry for people with chronic back pain. WIth the help of muscle relaxers and Aleve, I made it until Monday, until I could see the miracle worker Dr Hays. I always thought chiropractor were kind of a joke, but I am a BELIEVER now.

I found out the my exception letter was accepted by the nursing program at TCC and I will find out mid October if I am accepted in the spring program.

Now on to Benny Boy. He has a new "thing", his hat. (Pronounced "At") His likes to wear it around, likes John and I to wear it and today attempted for Dayton to wear his "at". He talks none stop. No one really gets it until they are around him. He chatters at all times. He repeats everything I say, even my tone. (not always so funny). Some funny things he has said: When he saw his scrambled eggs for breakfast, "HI eggs!" Dayton was in the way, "Esuse me". I sneeze, "Bess you". We say our prayers, "aMEN". During bath time, "Pe-is". When he wakes up from a nap, "mama, mama...MAMA, MAMA, MOM!" No response from Mommy, "daddy, daddy, DADDY, DA!" He is quite the character.

Everything is going well and I hope everyone else is doing well too!

18 Months

2009-08-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

The last few months have been challenging. You test your boundaries minute by minute. I would say the last few weeks have been harder than having a newborn. I tell you no and you look at me with your big blue innocent eyes and give me a look that speaks loud and clear, "You wanna bet Momma." Unfortunately for you your Momma has the same big blue eyes, my look back to you speaks just as loud, "Just try me little man." AND, you do try me. Not just once, usually several times. It is exhausting. My love for you is what keeps me from wavering.
You are quite the little character. When grocery shopping you stand in the back and wave at everyone like you are in a parade. You wink. You have started singing (be still my heart). Dayton is your best friend and you are Dayton's nemesis. You like to sit on him, poke at his eyes, take his food, throw his ball, and repeatedly run your trucks in him. I just can't figure out why he doesn't like you.
We had pictures taken this last week and I was so nervous. Any mother with a toddler, I am sure can understand. You just never know what to expect. Jenny Collier did an awesome job. The session was so laid back. You must check out the sneak preview and slide show at http://jennycollierphotography.com/blog. I highly recommend Jenny. Once I got over my anxiety, it was a lot of fun. Thanks Jenny!

The Many "No's" I Say Everyday

2009-08-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

No Ben, stay still so Mommy can change your diaper (about 6 times a day).
No, do not throw food.
No Ben...do not sit on Dayton.
No, do not run your truck into Dayton.
No, do not take the lid off your cup.
No, sit on your bottom.
No Ben, you only flush the potty if you use the potty.
No, we do not eat rocks, dirt or grass.
No, do not play in Dayton's water.
NO! DO NOT eat Dayton's food.
Yes, those are Dayton's eyes, but we do not poke them.
No, we do not put toys in the potty.
No, we do not put our hands in the potty either.
No, we do not take my cup off the table and pour it on the ground and play in it.
No. Stop picking your nose.
No, do not pinch.
No, get out of the refrigerator.
No, stop opening the oven.
No, do not take the remote and run, pushing buttons Mommy does not know how to reverse.
No, get off the hearth.
No, you do not have to pull the food out of your mouth to take a drink, just finish chewing then take a drink.
No, we do not stand on the kitchen chairs.
NO! DO NOT stand on the table. (This is new as of today)
Yes, Mommy loves you.

Ben got a new hat and swim lessons!

2009-07-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

I look like a Mom who has had ten cups of coffee before swim lessons. Apparently I am SUPER excited to be at swim lessons.

My Prayer for You

2009-07-05T17:19:00.000-07:00

My weight or body image has always been an issue for me, I would say since about third grade. My weight naturally fluctuates. I have unnaturally made my weight fluctuate with the atkins diet, weight watchers, some soup diet courtesy of my sister, writing down every morsel that enters my body, I tried diet pills for one day (thought I might die from the jitters), not eating, etc. ect. John is one of the most complimentary people I know and I know his compliments are sincere. I was complaining one (of multiple times) about my body and he said, "I love your body." Thats what he is suppose to say and I didn't think much about it. Later, when analyzing the conversation (because that is what I do, I'm an analyser) I thought, I wish I saw my body the way John sees it. Then in deeper thought, I wondered how God saw my body. In my evening prayers I began praying for God to show me the way He sees me.
This is what God has shown me. I am a good mother who spends much more time on my child than on myself. My stretch marks are a sacrifice I made to have Ben. I would have stretch marks on my face if I had to to have a child. I am soft for my child to lay on. God made me a nurturer. I would much rather people see me as kind, someone who takes time for other people, someone who sacrifices for the ones I love, a Christian, a good mother, a good wife, someone who is compassionate, than the girl with the good body. I do not want my legacy to be my appearance.
My prayer for all the women in my life is that they start seeing themselves as God sees them.

Happy Anniversary

2009-07-01T14:29:00.000-07:00

We married July 1, 2006. It was HOT! The wedding went without a hitch as did the reception. Surprisingly, we didn't lose anyone to a heat stroke. Our big wedding night was spent at home eating Taco Bueno and opening presents. It could not have been more perfect or more fitting for our relationship. We do not need bells and whistles, we are the bells and whistles. I never thought I could love you more than what I did on our wedding day, but I do. I love you.

Our first baby arrived February 12, 2008. I am still sorry for telling you I was pregnant over the phone. Maybe with the next I will tell you in a blog. Not today though. Take a deep breath. Having you as my birthing coach was hilarious. I don't know if I had every seen you so serious before. I wonder if any other woman in labor has ever stopped mid push to start laughing. That day my love for you changed, it matured. I had this little miracle that you and I had made that would connect us for the rest of our lives. I love you.

Three years. It seems like yesterday you proposed to me after my famous pre-proposal words, "I think this is the worst diarrhea I have ever had." Those words set our whole marriage. You are so kind to everyone, a wonderful father, a bigger than words husband to me, a great provider, a phenomenal friend. I love you...even more than mayonnaise. Thank you for choosing ME to be your wife.

Happy Birthday to ME!

2009-06-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

Below is my blog from two years ago, right before I turned 26, in CAPS LOCK is my blog from one year ago when I turned 27, and in italics is for this year, the big 2-8.

I see you 26
YOU ARE ALREADY HERE 27?
28, 29, 30...does it really matter?

I am turning 26 this Sunday. I have never really thought about age before or getting older, until this year.
I TURNED 27 TODAY. I HAVE REVERTED BACK TO NOT THINKING ABOUT AGE ANYMORE, THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH TIME.
I still do not think about how old I am, now I think about how old my son is.

A few things I have noticed:

I wear clothes for comfort now.
I WEAR CLOTHES JUST TO COVER MY BARE SKIN.
I wear Mom clothes. Big underwear (I can't even call them panties).

Elastic and I have become quite close.
ELASTIC HAS NOW BECOME EMBEDDED INTO MY SKIN.
I wear SPANX, so the elastic doesn't become embedded in my skin.

Once upon a time high heel shoes didn't hurt my feet.
ONCE UPON A TIME I WORE SHOES EVERYDAY...THAT MATCHED.
My feet have grown a size and a half, or I have realized, I am not really a 7.5.

I worry about my health and heart disease.
I WORRY ABOUT MY SON AND HAVE LITTLE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT MYSELF.
I am striving to live a healthy life so I can enjoy my grandchildren.

I read the contents in my food, ecpecially the fiber section.
I STILL READ THE CONTENTS OF MY FOOD AND MUST GET FIBER DAILY.
Only water soluble fiber

I take much more time and money on my skin.
I USE BABY SOAP AND BABY LOTION ON MY FACE.
I love clinique, my skin has never looked better

I tan much less and wear sunscreen and sometimes sunblock.
I HAVE NO TIME TO TAN.
I always wear sunscreen.

Bars seem really loud.
ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE I HAVE GONE TO A BAR AND I DO NOT SEE GOING IN THE NEAR FUTURE OR EVEN THE DESIRE TO GO.
I go to Church now.

I get in my pajamas much earlier now.
I NEVER GET OUT OF MY PAJAMAS.
I get out of my PJ's during Ben's first nap.

I haven't seen 2 AM, in probably a year...or 1 AM at that.
2PM, 2AM ALL THE SAME.
I go to bed at 11 PM, and rarely wake up before 8 AM.

I look forward to the news, and must watch the weather.
I GET TO WATCH THE NEWS SOMETIMES.
I watch the news, only when John is in town.

I have gotten much curvier, and not in a bad way.
EVEN CURVIER, BUT HAVE PASSED THE "NOT IN A BAD WAY".
John thinks my body is perfect, and that is all that matters

My family has become my friends.
I LOVE MY FAMILY.
I still love my family

I am pretty now and not cute.
JOHN IS LUCKY TO SEE ME PRETTY ONCE A WEEK.
I am a beautiful Mother.

I think about my future more, and how to better myself for the future.
I STILL THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE AND HOW TO BETTER MY FAMILY.
I now plan for the future

Life is good. Bring on 26.
MY LIFE IS BLESSED. HOW OLD AM I AGAIN?
What a great year, perhaps another baby at 28...maybe 29.

15 Months (I'm a month behind)

2009-06-18T10:57:00.000-07:00

You are my sweet, affectionate little boy. You give me kisses without being prompted. You are a snuggler, which Grandma Janet loves (not that Mommy's doesn't). You make anyone that comes in our home feel special with your sly little smile. You are a people person.
You are still a great sleeper. You sleep between 10-12 hours at night and take between 2-3 1/2 worth of naps during the day. Mommy is very thankful.
You make up for your down time when you are awake. Most days you are not a very independent player. You enjoy being around people and need their interaction.
You love bible class. You went to your teacher with open arms last Sunday and Mommy's heart swelled with pride. You are pick up on the songs quickly and really enjoy the singing.
Papa Joe is still YOUR Papa.
You are still 25% in height and 75% in weight. Just look at your Daddy and you are the opposite : )
You already have a sneaky, ornery side. You will take my phone or remote and run out of the room and hide. You push as many buttons as possible until you are found.
Words you say: YaYas pronounced very nasally which means Crackers, Papa, Mama, Dada, Dayton, Doggie, Jish (juice), tank too (thank you), Bibull (Bible), Meme (i have not idea what meme, or who meme is), Bro (Brock, his friend from Church), Nigh, nigh,.

Update

2009-05-27T19:45:00.000-07:00

I've noticed when people haven't blogged for a while they always title the post "update". So, in following others steps, I title this, "Update". Because I am tired and do not want to forget anything I will do this blog bulleted style.

-School is out (and has been for awhile). I made a B in Microbiology and was somewhat disappointed, I really thought I was going to be able to pull off an A. I am through with all of my prerequisites and am now just waiting to be accepted to a nursing program. ( I guess I should apply, or I could be waiting forever.)

-I've been thinking about going to work part-time in the fall as a CNA, just to get my foot in the door, and to keep my skills up. So far, just a thought.

-Ben is still the cutest little boy. He is so funny. And very ornery. Very. He walks every where now, no crawling. Can I start potty training yet? New words--blankie, nigh-nigh!, Papa, keys, kisses, juice.

-They are doing major lay-offs at John's work, so that has really been on our minds.

-Oh, I saved $80 on groceries last week, my personal best.

I really thought I would have more than 5 bullets, now I feel somewhat silly for using it, oh well.

The Hair Catastrophe of '09

2009-05-08T11:17:00.000-07:00

Last night while laying on the couch I found a small round brush. Apparently I was bored so I began twirling it in my hair. Until it got stuck. On the side you may ask? Or perhaps the back. No. Right in front. For thirty minutes I tried untwisting. I then added conditioner to the mix of things, then lotion to no avail. By this point my head was gushing blood from me trying to yank the brush out of my hair. Ok, maybe it wasn't gushing or bleeding at all, but it did hurt. I am pretty sure it is bruised today. While greasing my hair and considering putting mayo in my hair (then realizing I think that is when you get gum in your hair), a little pair of scissors catch my eye. I am desperate. I can feel panic over taking me. Or maybe it is anger due to my husbands uncontrollable laughter. Whatever then reason, I grab the scissors. I try to salvage as much hair as possible. It started at about a centimeter and I was able to get it to an inch. So instead of a burr in front, I have spikes. Go ahead get a good chuckle at my expense, my husband did or does, every time he sees me he starts laughing.

Failed...failed miserably.

2009-05-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

Television is just way too tempting. Or maybe it was the weather. Perhaps it was my husband sitting on the couch watching TV and asking, "Hey, Amy, you want to watch this?" (He never asked this before I stopped watching.) I lasted from Thursday to Monday at 7:00 PM. Maybe somewhere that is considered a month. John told me not to consider it a failure, but a lesson learned. I must concur. Perhaps just monitoring what I watch would be a much more attainable goal for me. The television is not on during the day, except for Sesame Street. I had the bad habit of not actually watching TV, but keeping it on. And, I am not going to watch R rated movies and really monitor what types of TV shows I am watching. I really believe what goes in, must come out.
Finals are today, so what am I doing? Writing a blog. Should be studying, but I am not. Thats all, go ahead, snicker about my television defeat. I really should watch writing a blog that millions read (there is about a million of you..right?) about trying something new, especially, if there is a possibility of failure.

2009-05-02T18:56:00.000-07:00

Cousin Abram came to stay and we had such a great time.

We played in the froggy pool and we loved to splash each other.

Cousin Abram showed me playing on the sandbox is just as much fun as playing in the sandbox.

We read books to each other.

Took wagon rides...note, two boys in a wagon is much heavier than one. I thought we may not make it up the hill.

and we took baths.

Television

2009-04-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy my drives to class every Tuesday and Thursday. It is about 30 minutes of uninterrupted thought. Last Wednesday I couldn't sleep so I watched "18 Kids and Counting". It was about the Christian Film Festival in Texas. They go to support Christian movies and shows. They rarely ever watch secular television. I went to sleep and that was the end of that, until Thursday during my 30 minutes of uninterrupted thoughts. I was getting science minded for my class and I thought I want to do an experiment to see how giving up television for one month would effect me. (And a hush goes over the crowd...really? a whole month?) Some of things I would like to monitor are, my anxiety level, my body image, and overall mood. Upon coming home I told John about my plan and honestly, not much was said. That night we decided we were going to watch the new show SouthLand. Anyone seen it? They use every single cuss word in the book. The f-word, b-word...you get my point and its on NBC. Yes, they do bleep out the curse words, but seriously, you know exactly what they are saying. This must be a sign from God, right? I think about it in passing throughout the weekend, mention it to my Mom.."really? a whole month? that will be really hard.", then Sunday roles around. What is small group about? The effects of television. Are you kidding me? So, its done. Starting May 1, no television. With one stipulation, I can watch G or PG movies. When John is gone the evenings are really quiet and kind of scary. TV is usually my company on these nights.
Alright wish me luck. I have like 8 days to soak in as much TV as possible. Just kidding. Maybe.

Check out my Boots!

2009-04-15T07:43:00.001-07:00

Busted!

2009-04-10T17:54:00.000-07:00

Benjamin caught getting into Dayton's water.

"I swear Mommy, it wasn't me. It must have been Dayton."

Cabo

2009-03-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

So, the trip was interesting. I missed Ben dearly, more than I could have imagined. But, I did have a great time with my husband and by myself. My days consisted of getting up with John around 7AM, eating breakfast together (slowly, without Ben eating everything off my plate, and adult conversation), John would leave for work, I would go change into my bathing suit, go down to the beach, come back and eat lunch, go take a nap, come back down and lay out by the pool. John would arrive back in time for a romantic dinner. The next day repeat. I also managed to get quite a bit of homework and studying done as well. It must have paid off, I made an A on my test.

We're Back!

2009-03-26T12:43:00.000-07:00

2009-03-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

I tanned yesterday. I haven't tanned in about two years. I have begun to think seriously about sun spots, premature aging, etc, etc. BUT, there is just something so glorious about laying in that casket getting radiated with those cancer causing beams of light. Its just so relaxing. John and I are going to Cabo in less than two weeks and I have to get somewhat of a base or I will fry. Yes, Cabo. John is "working" a tennis match there and in passing I told John I wanted to go too. EEK! Then the thought of leaving Benjamin overwhelmed every cell in my body. Benjamin hasn't stayed the night away from me or I, him. I cry about it. If I hear one more time that I am leaving him in good hands or he will be fine I may possibly scream. I know he will be fine, I know he will be in good hands, if I thought differently I wouldn't leave him. I feel like my job as a parent is to protect my son. If I am in another country, how can I protect him? I also have a fear people won't do what I ask. I know, even in typing it, it sounds controlling. He is my child though, and I do know what is best for him. And, of course the biggest fear is me dying and leaving Benjamin. I feel like I need to fill out a last will and testament before I leave, just in case. Then I realize what a crazy I look like. I just want what is best for Ben. OK, I can feel shortness of breath approaching, so I must change the subject.
The house. We are in. Unpacking is a much bigger job than I had anticipated. The kitchen was unpacked first. I love cooking in the kitchen. There is so much space. Every other room is half unpacked, just enough for it to be livable. Pictures will soon come, just as soon as I can get everything organized.
School is killing me right now. Microbiology is by far the hardest most time consuming class I have ever taken.
I am thinking of having Easter at my house this year, at least the Saturday before Easter. I will cook a Turkey or Ham, maybe both and everyone brings a side dish...interested? Also an egg hunt for the kids? I always loved Easter when I was little.
I hope everyone is doing well!

Dear Benjamin,

2009-02-26T08:55:00.000-08:00

You are now my big one year old! You have enough personality and pazazz to fill a grown man's shoes. You know exactly what you want and when you want it and you will tell anyone who will listen. Stranger, spanger, if someone has food or something you may like, they are your new friend. We really need to work on this. You love people. I love to watch you interact with different people. You know exactly what you can get away with, with each different person. Papa Joe won't dare walk by if you give him a few alligator tears. Grandma wont let her poor grandson just sit in the kitchen with nothing to do, lets open the dishwasher so he can take everything out. Oh, No! You are already bored, let me carry you around while I vacuum. Grammy won't dare put you to sleep if you cry. The real water works come out then. You have everyone marching to your drum! You are very affectionate like your Daddy. Although you do have a little stinker in you. You gave me a big open mouth kiss on my cheek and then I could feel your little chompers trying to dig in. I was able to pull away just in time. You gave me a little ornery grin, like, "What Mama? I was just kissing you." You have a new friend at Church. I must say, this melts my heart. I could watch you and Brock interact all day long. Keep Christian friends Benjamin. You can be each others support.
Mama sees you doing great things with your life Benjamin. Always keep your eyes on God and I know he will lead you to greatness. You are special. You, my Sunshine, will always be special to me.

I will love you always,

Mama

Thimerosal

2009-02-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

Last night in my Microbiology class we talked about autism and vaccines. The compound Thimerosal is put into vaccines as a preservative. Thimerosal contains mercury. In 1999 the FDA recommended Thimerosal not be used. Recommended is the key word. Not all vaccine manufacturers have stopped using it. As a parent you can ask your child's pediatrician if they use vaccines with Thimerosal. If they do, you can ask them to order some without it. You may have to pay for it, but I am sure for any parent its worth it.
We had a woman in class with an autistic son. She has five children and he is her fourth. The day after his vaccines he stopped talking and has since been diagnosed with autism. Why would one child be afflicted and not another? Answer, some people are genetically predisposed( this is not the word I want to use, but I have been sitting here for a few minutes trying to figure out what word I am thinking about, I've given up, so thats the word I am using.), meaning their genetic make-up makes them more susceptible.
Anyway, I thought I would share what I had learned in class. Hope everyone is doing well!

John Deere

2009-02-10T10:30:00.000-08:00

2009-02-08T10:42:00.000-08:00

I can't think of a good title, so I will go title-less. I have been wanting to write about my experience of going through the CNA program and my clinicals at St Simeons and St John's, so here we go.
I first would like to start with my pre-thoughts to the program. I have to have this course, or something similar, in order to apply for a Nursing program. I am NOT looking forward to it. CNA is a fancy title for someone who gets to do all the crappy (literally speaking) jobs. You clean people, wipe people, move people, feed people, etc. I need to just get this done and over with so I can continue on pursuing my nursing degree.
Now my thoughts during class. The class is in north Tulsa. There was a wide variety of people in the class. There was only 12 people in the class, ranging from pre-nursing students to a lady who talked about shooting at her husband once and then having to take care of her husband's ostomy after she stabbed him. Yikes! To say the least, the people made the class even more interesting. The book work was good and I am usually not one to toot my own horn, but toot toot, the most I missed on any of the test was one. I really enjoyed the class and the people I met.
Now my thoughts during clinicals. The first day was at St Simeons in the "Memory Center" which houses residents with Alzheimers. I was really nervous and was on the edge of being totally scared out of my mind. The class had taught me a lot, but reading something and actually seeing it with your own eyes is totally different. These Alzheimer patients I had read about now had names, had families, had fear in their eyes, these were not patients these were people. I was immeditatley put to work. Changing sheets, I can do this. The CNA working was busy giving baths in the shower room, but I know I can do this. I begin to change the sheets and "David" comes in. "Sorry, sorry, Christmas, ummm, sorry." My book knowledge comes handy. "David, are you thirsty?" "No." "Are you hungry?" "No." I really don't want to ask, but I know I must, "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" "Yes." (Side note, when a patient with Alzheimer talks incoherently you are suppose to ask direct questions, Are you thirsty, etc.) My first real experience with helping someone go to the bathroom. Luckily as I am guiding him, the CNA comes out and helps me. Later that day, I helped feed the patients, gave a bath, and interactied with the residents. The day was surreal and emotionally was more than I could have ever expected. I cried the whole way home. Boo-hooed cried. The rest of the clinicals were at St John Hospital.
After clinicals thoughts. It was a life changer, the whole class. I am so glad I took it. And I would recommend everyone to take it.

First free moment...

2009-01-23T18:17:00.001-08:00

I wouldn't even really call this a free moment, I should be studying for Micro or for my final in my CNA class, but its been so long since I have posted, I feel like this is a must!

We found a house, put in an offer and it was excepted! Whew! (that is my sigh of relief) I started to think we would never find a house. It is in a great neighborhood, is 3 bedroom, 2 bath, and 2 car garage. It is on 2 lots, so the yard is huge! The landscaping is wonderful. We have inspections on Wednesday and we should close around February 26. (Mark your calendars, I will be calling for help moving : ) ) Thanks for all the prayers.

Benjamin is growing up so fast. (I realize I didn't do an 11 month blog update for Ben and I feel awful.) He went from being a lump on a log to up on all fours crawling and pulling up on everything. He went from 0 teeth to 5 teeth in about 4 weeks. He still talks constantly. I am not for sure what he is saying, but he does enjoy making noise. The big birthday is coming up and I am so excited.

School is going well. The CNA program is such a great experience. I hope to have time to elaborate in a later blog. Microbiology is hard or I just have a hard teacher. I am already for that class to be over.

I am now feeling guilty for not studying, so sorry for it being so short. I hope everyone is doing well!

Tagged By Jenny, My Eights

2008-12-19T11:22:00.000-08:00

8 TV Shows I Watch

1. Criminal Minds
2. American Idol
3. Big Brother
4. How I Met Your Mother
5. The Office
6. Greys Anatomy
7. Desperate Housewives
8. Ghost Whisperer

8 Favorite Restaurants

1. Carrabas
2. Ted's
3. Bill and Ruths
4. Chilis
5. Papa John's
6. My Cooking
7. Shiloh's
8. Pete's

8 Things That Happened Today

1. Laundry
2. Cooked breakfast
3. Cleaned kitchen
4. Made lunch
5. Gave Ben a bottle
6. Watched Sesame Street
7. Wrapped Christmas presents
8. Made my bed

8 Things I Look Forward To

1. Finding a house
2. Christmas
3. Benjamin's first birthday
4. Growing old with John
5. Heaven
6. More children
7. Summer vacation
8. My Graduation Day!

8 Things I Wish For

1. No more anxiety
2. More children
3. Buying a great house
4. To be happy with my motherly figure
5. For my children to grow into strong Christians
6. Long healthy life
7. To be excepted into a nursing program
8. Contentment

I tag everyone who read this.

10 Months

2008-12-13T11:17:00.000-08:00

This time last year I thought, "I will have a ten month old on Christmas next year." And now, he is ten months old and Christmas is right around the corner.
Likes: His mobile, baths, Christmas lights, Mommy's singing, actually just music in general, remote controls and cell phones, necklaces, a pink baby doll (I know, John's favorite), Cherrios and crackers, apple juice, sweet peas, mirrors, crawling backwards, kisses and standing.
Dislikes: Being in the car at night, naps, being woken abruptly, short baths, and runny noses.

Benjamin helping us move

2008-12-10T11:21:00.000-08:00

2008-12-10T09:23:00.000-08:00

It has been so long since my last post I am going to have to do it bulletin style so I don't forget anything.

School- Done. Well, at least for this semester. I got an A and a B. I worked hard for my B in Physiology, I had quite the struggle in that class and the only reason I was able to pull off a B, was with the 94% I got on my final. I am glad this semester is over, although next semester won't be a picnic. In order to get into TCC nursing program you have to have your CNA. For four weeks M-F 8:30-2:30 I have class to get my CNA. For sixteen weeks I have MIcrobiology Tuesday 5:30-7:20 PM and Thursday 5:30-9:30. Those first four weeks I have both CNA and Micro is going to be a killer. After Micro I will be done with the prerequisites for nursing, so then I will just have to be accepted into the program.

The Move- Well, it wasn't smooth. We should have asked for more help. So be ready to be asked in the next few months for the next move. Living with the parents is going well. John has been gone for the last week, so it has been nice to have extra hands to help me with Ben. House hunting has been discouraging. As of today we have no prospects.

Thanksgiving-It was small this year. The food was great. My sister Jenny was quite the chef this year and I was quite impressed! We had two huge feast one at the Richardson's and one at the LeMaster's. Good people and good food, no complaints from me!

Man, to have been so busy, I don't feel like I have as much to write as I thought. I hope everyone's holidays are going well!

9 Months Old

2008-11-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

Wow, nine months old, what a big boy! Benjamin is now 21.6 pounds (75%) and 28 inches long (over 50%). I sit in awe when I think of the little scrawny guy who was barely on the growth chart (under 15%) to this little rolly polly boy he is now. My favorite part of being Benjamin's mom is the way he looks at me, pure love, it really melts my heart.
Likes: Sitting on laps, being outside, jumper, food (all, except green beans), walks, Dayton, Mommy and Daddy, all people who will give him attention (as long as Mommy is in clear sight), baths, talking, Mommy's singing and funny songs, playing on the floor, rolling, crawling backwards, pulling up on anything that he can reach, playing in your crib, and turing on and off light switches.
Dislikes: Being ignored (how dare you walk in and out of a room without making a big tada of seeing him!), being put in his car seat (likes car rides, just the initial strap down makes him cry), green beans, big toys that he can't hold, and not doing things on his terms (he should really right a handbook).

Locks of Love

2008-11-16T17:05:00.000-08:00

I have been torn on whether to cut my hair or not. I finally decided to take the plunge and cut it. I was so excited that it was long enough to donate to Locks of Love.

Mylicon Drops Recall

2008-11-14T07:15:00.000-08:00

Body: Infant Gas-Relief Drops Recalled
Johnson & Johnson has recalled 12,000 bottles of Mylicon Infant Dye-Free Gas-relief drops due to the possibility that some bottles may contain metal fragments. The recalled drops come in one ounce plastic bottles and were sold over-the-counter on or after October 5, 2008.The lot numbers of the drops are SMF007 and SMF008, and the numbers can be found on the bottom of the recalled boxes or on the lower left side of the bottle's sticker.

2008-11-11T18:26:00.000-08:00

Benjamin on the plane. He did a great! He loved looking out the window.

Benjamin and John at the Fort Worth Zoo. What a great beautiful zoo. We all had a great time.

Benjamin at the hotel. He loved looking out the window.

Benjamin working with his Daddy

Ben at the rodeo. He loved it! Well, he loved all the lights and noises.

Our trip went great, except at night. Ben is not a big fan of not being in his crib. He woke up about every 2-3 hours. It was like having a newborn again! The zoo was so much fun and well worth the money. The rodeo was fun, extremely long, too long, we almost missed our flight. John and I both agreed, we are glad we are home.

He is all mine ladies, all mine.

2008-11-06T18:02:00.001-08:00

Green Beans

2008-11-06T13:40:00.001-08:00

First hits the taste buds

Ick, hit the bitter buds

Down the hatch

No MORE!

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T19:36:00.001-07:00

SOLD!

2008-10-29T19:41:00.000-07:00

Our house sold. Now we just have to find a place to live.

Walks

2008-10-28T08:19:00.001-07:00

He usually loves walks, but for some reason he wasn't too thrilled this morning. Maybe because he couldn't move.